Tonight I threw my children into the tub like usual. Once the kids were clean I wrapped my toddler in a towel, toga style, and took the baby to the bedroom to be diapered and pajamaed. (shut up it’s a word.)
When I walked back into the kitchen, a terrible scene unfurled before me. My toddler, Phoebe, had shed her towel toga. She had peed onto the kitchen floor. She was now playing slid n slide across my kitchen floor in her own pee.
I’m going to type that again here for emphasis.
My daughter was slip n sliding across my kitchen floor in a puddle of pee.
A SLID N SLIDE MADE OF PEE IN MY KITCHEN.
That I now had to clean up.
First I had to capture the tinkle-soaked naked pixie as she pranced, giggling, around my house. All I had to do was follow the foot prints made of pee and she was easy enough to locate. I also had to herd the baby away from the giant lake that my floor had become.
I’d like to think of this as a cautionary tale for anyone who wants to have children. You think you can anticipate everything. And then your precious princess luges penguin-style through a urine puddle.
Ah. Well. I planned on spending my Saturday night mopping the floor anyhow.